Choices Choices

It might bcome as a surprise to some (or rather most), but I am finally plagued by academic problems and the abnomaly is that I actually care!

Like how my friend puts it, everybody cares about that 4 As and 2 'S' paper distinctions so that he/she would get to shake the Presidant's hand for the most sought after scholarship locally. In this dog-eat-cat-eat-rat silly ratrace of a life, that is the greatest recognition one can get (unless someone breaks the bond that comes with it, but that's not the issue here).

Issue being that I am worried. Panicking at times.

We are all in this ratrace, and I am not ashamed of myself to say that I really regret not doing well enough for 'O' levels, missing out that chance to go to a better JC, like RJ? What if I had joined a sports PDP in the first place, would it have helped me concentrate better? What if I had became a different person, in another PDP, and not 1 of the 4 House Captains? What if I am in another JC, doing much better through consistent revision instead of the current pia-pia-pia-yet-still-getting-fucking-shit-grades situation I am wallowing in? What if? I would never know, but maybe all these friends and wonderful company I am having now would never have happened. I am also not ashamed to admit that I too once dreamed of getting the President's Handshake. I too had clouds in my head in the shape of Medicine at Johns Hopkins. Over-estimating myself? Perhaps.

Studies, acadamia and grades. Everyone dreams of good grades and the glory that comes along with it, and also fears being left in the lurch, in the back alley of the modern world where that damn degree is everything, and every single aspect of a person is assessed in one way or another. I am one-foot-stuck in the dumpster of school already, with only 3 As subjects left, when the rest of TJC is taking 4 subjects and a million 'S' papers. Not bitter or anything, just pity.

Hi, your cartilage hit me in the eye

This is going nowhere.

Only one important impact sustained today.

My 4-year-old fort of a dream of becoming a physiotherapist/sports manager of sorts was attacked by the lure of SMU and how close it is to home, the convenience of the short traveling time and that 1-year-old campus in the heart of the city. Would I sacrifice dreams for the sake of all these conveniences, making a fool of myself by taking something starkely business relatted when it is globally known that I condemn business and office-based jobs of all sorts? Perhaps I should get back to reality, since there are probably trillions of people out there who also wish for a non-deskbound-eyes-stuck-to-Excel-spreadsheet job but is stuck with one.

Get back to basics man.

NOTE: i am feeling fine. no need to write my epitaph for me yet.

Red Hot Chiili Peppers-Scar Tissue