EMO!

I'm glad things are sorted out already.

anyway i've been feeling weird lately.. is it due or lack of sleep or what.. its like i cant sleep till really late.. like now [3:58 am] but i am tired..
maybe i'm just too worried about a lot of things lar.. too much stuff in my head to remember to do or i'll die..
yup.. literally die.. cause a lot of people still thinks i'm not capable enough yet.. not capable enough to take over..
but then again.. if you guys dun trust me .. why?
i have no idea.. maybe i'll try my best to cram all that is to be done inside my head..
my brain is kind of acting like my secretary.. like at this time it would just remind me that i have to do this and that..
well it isnt easy to be able to manage 6 smses coming in at one shot..
and all require immediate attention..
it is not easy.. miss the old days so much..
but what to do when your bestest friends are either still in secondary school or in other colleges away from you? or you r closer friends only see you in the morning and civics lesson? and you havent seen them in months.. and those that are around you now are not really the ones you feel dependent on.. i don't know what i go to school for.. to be ridicule by 'classmates' as the sickly councillor or the boy who always sleeps in class..
you guys just don't understand me well enough.. see what will you be like if you are in my shoes.. and i take your place and complain that i have gotten ONLY 16/20 for some lousy physics test while you stare at your 4/20 script..
life is just so unfair sometimes.. why do some people always make the right judgement for themselves and end up with so much for themselves while i make wrong judgements after wrong judgements and end up doing things nobody really appreciates?
take for example.. that day when cui yin came up to me and asked why am i still so stupid to continue taking AO chinese.. i did not even think about why until she came up to me that day [thanks sis]..
then thoughts just start to appear.. why the trouble why the fuss why the mistakes again and again.. call me loser but sometimes i just want to retreat into somewhere safe.. familiar friends and places where i know i can exist without the feeling of emptiness.. having a CLIQUE.. close group of friends that i can relate to during lessons and outside class as well.. unlike now.. [the loner in the class]
had a nice talk with this not really senior of mine.. maybe its a good idea.. maybe.. but i'll have to wait for the results first..
[thanks for the time]

Wah emo lar.. what was I thinking?

On hindsight, that's sad!